CURSES.

why is it?!!

the only people i feel capable of phoning lately are either not awake or barely asleep.....or don't have opposable thumbs (don't ask)?!! or perhaps they're simply unavailable, in true L.A. form?! (but, if you must know, *i'm* the fluck up who hates phones.....although i like the idea of them.....the way they flip.....the way they show their light and all......it's very intriguing.....in a cave girl's kinda way. oooogah. ugh ugh.)

maybe i should just take a walk.......and sleep on it?.........i can do that.
no, really, seriously.

i walk...
i sleep...
very well, actually.

i've had a LOT of experience doing both.
i sleep.......walk........sleepwalk....like an olympiad.

hmmmmm, i might just put this on my 'real world' resume, come to think of it....

snore........

my uncle's gettin' married tonight....and i'm broadcasting it on my remote cam for kicks and giggles.

oh man, i can't even begin to describe what this person meant to me.....

gone, but never forgotten.

this image (below) has been haunting me for the last fucking 3+ hours.......



i SO want her to come to life and crawl from under that mass of steel....poor sweet thing. but, i know, i know...i'll prolly never know anything about her or any of her friends or family......

new york times.....you have to pay the bills, i understand....but, just once, ONCE, won't you follow through with one of your stories, just ONCE? tell me the story behind this girl, and don't just show me her dying moments for your superficial monetary gain.

you owe the public that, and so much more......

i'm in a bit of a funk right now, have been for quite awhile, actually.

can't seem to focus on much of anything. i have lots of ideas in my head, but little energy to execute them. my latest body of work is draining me beyond belief......i think because it's so very personal.... my art is normally heavy on the visual and light on the conceptual. maybe because i'm reluctant to deal with reality, or maybe because i just like looking at pretty things. whatever the reason, i find refuge during these 'blank' periods by digesting all things comedy. i have a special bookmark folder dedicated for just such lapses. sort of my emergency therapy archive....



and i just can't peel myself away from this site.

i'm also devouring steve martin's latest bio, 'born standing up,' which is a great read for anyone in the creative field.

jozee

i can't help it.....
she's in my every thought.
she's been with me longer than my mom raised me.
if she were a human, she'd be going off to college this year.

i think chuck instinctively knew she was on her way out.....he took multiple pictures and videos the day before she passed......

but, i was bracing myself for the last year or more....waiting for her to bid farewell. i was hoping (and yes, i guess praying) she wouldn't go the way wylee did 5 years ago.(2.18.03 entry)

jozee just kept coming back after every ailment: failing kidneys, vestibular disease, weakened liver, and finally a tumor on the heart.....just like the energizer bunny....she fought it, like she was jacked up on crack n'coffee. and somehow that resilience made me believe she would outlive us all......but, all good things must come to an end i guess. and jozee was one of the greats.

when my ex-husband kallen and i first adopted jozee and her brother wylee (shown below) from the pound, we brought them home, full of anticipation and naiveté.

wylee

the first thing jozee did was sniff, skitter and squat on our newly bought white carpet.

although i wanted dogs dearly, i threatened to return them only after one week.....and i'm so grateful i didn't.......cuz ultimately i knew we were all young....dogs and humans alike. we needed to adjust and grow with each other, regardless of how many stains collected on the floor.

it's funny how much those damn dogs taught me about life.....

and here i thought *i* was their parent.

i just wanted to thank everyone for all your kindness regarding my last post.

the tears are flowing now and i'm ever so grateful for having such sweet loving spirits in my life.

i love you all.....

xoxo
-baby

this, courtesy of my dear bud o.t. up north (you're so twisted O.....i love ya!!!)

gave me chills (which is a good thing, actually.....since it's a hundred fluckin' degrees down here!!!)

kimya dawson and me after the show (taking a power nap), howie & son's pizza, visalia, ca., 4.26.08

it has always been a goal of mine to see the magically terrific kimya_dawson_ perform live. so, i hopped in my truck this past weekend and made the 3 hour pilgrimage up north to do just that.

shortly after leaving the confines of the city, i rolled down my window and breathed in the essence of farm....something that always reminds me of 'home.' i would've never known this little town of visalia ever existed had kimya not drawn me there....the next morning a power outage forced a majority of old town to close shop for the day, but that didn't stop me from havin' a gay old time. nuh uh! i still had a blast exploring a bunch of great old historical buildings and walking through some very gritty but charming back alleys. mmmmmmm, brick and mortar!!!!!

i do believe i'll go back there someday....

critter dramas galore today.....

first, i awake to our 17 year old doggie having YET another seizure. so, i cradled her, rubbed her chinny chin chin, whispered sweet nothings into her ears (not that she ever heard them) until she finally settled.

then, i walked out to our atrium this afternoon to find one of our newly un-hiberating turts (li'l dick) all coiled up and on his back, with a BLEEDiNG and nicked shell.

i thought he was a goner.
honest to goddess, i was ready to start digging the grave right then and there.
i looked to the left and saw the murderess....

'STELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,' i yelled, in true form.

she just doesn't quite GET the difference between 'play toy' and 'loved one' evidently.......so, i taught her a lesson. first by shrilling at her like i've never done before (i've never yelled at chuckie this loud.......weeeeeeeeell, maybe?????) then THROWiNG her in the backyard, literally (yes PETA-i said it!!!!!!!)

she will NEVER, EVER have an atrium pass for the rest of her days.....mark my words.

i cradled our li'l dick, nursed him back, felt his breath on my neck and promised him the big/bad stella would never, EVER dig him up again.

my latest distraction.....

i haven't drawn in years.....many, MANY years.

i've doodled (as seen above), but i'm always hesitant to go back to that place.

it's not that i don't appreciate it. i actually do, with great admiration. it's a rite of passage, learning the basics.....drawing, printing, painting, sculpting, etc, either by self teaching or spending oodles of money to go the college route......but, what i'm passionate about now is so much more abstract than capturing realistic images.

but, i really enjoyed stretching my mind today. goddess knows i needed the work out.....

weird, how people can bring things to the fore. jeremy iacone, sent this to me tonight....

the first time i knew i was creative?...i carved the likeness of an elephant in linoleum.....circa 1977-ish?

i KNEW it was better than some of my fellow students......i just felt it. in my gut.

i was always behind in my class (in a purely scholastic way) as a young child, pulled back either because i was too shy, too young, or too underdeveloped for my grade.......or simply because i didn't fucking care to learn what everyone else was supposed to learn.

i hated laura ingles books-although i loved the 'little house on the praire' series. my parents bought me these books in my early pre-teens.....and my mom recalls me stomping home in a fit of rage in grade school, saying....' i won't read anything....and NO ONE CAN MAKE ME!!!!!!!'

but, strangely enough, i reveled in 'first blood.' one of the first books i read on my own (that wasn't authored by judy blume!)

funny how one can progress, without any prodding or poking......

courtesy of mee best friend....kimmeh.

and lit-uL bruh-thuhs ev'rywheh.

found by chance today....



a blog by deborah barlow (shown above) entitled: slow muse

excerpt from her 'about' page:

'...what we need more of is slow art: art that holds time as a vase holds water: art that grows out of modes of perception and making whose skill and doggedness make you think and feel; art that isn’t merely sensational, that doesn’t get its message across in ten seconds, that isn’t falsely iconic, that hooks onto something deep-running in our natures...'

thank you deborah,
slow is good.

i know, i know....

when i don't have a lot to say, i post youtubes. but, it's my journal, and i'll fluff if i want to.

in my estimation this is one of the best videos ever made. it still stands up today (and gives me chills every time i see it!), much like the movie '2001 space odyssey.'

and while i'm on a will ferrell kick....



probably my favorite clip of his of ALL time (click on pic)

The Landlord on FunnyOrDie.com

i know this is old news, but i just found the commentary to go along with will farrell's 'the landlord.'

The Landlord: Criterion Edition on FunnyOrDie.com

my latest piece, in progress

i've been a bit slacker in the studio of late.....somehow spring has ignited a fire in my belly to get busy in the garden once again-after many years of neglecting that side of myself. it's such a great therapy for me, getting my hands dirty, smelling the sweet musky scent of churned soil, nurturing young plants and watching them take root. i remember my natural mother vicki showing me how to garden years ago and watching the sweat roll down her cheeks as she toiled in the mid day sun. it was one of those moments where i knew we were spiritually connected, albeit in a sort of round about way. so, we'll see what flourishes and fizzles in the garden. after all, that's half the fun and challenge....

artwork by jeremy iacone

i have the good fortune of meeting a lot of great people thru my website and journal, both artists and art lovers alike....

a few weeks ago jeremy iacone contacted me. he found me thru the grapevine and shared some of his work. he informed me he was a 'screenwriter turned image maker,' which intrigued me, only because it confirmed my belief that different liberal disciplines tend to eventually collide. i think most artists at some point in their careers mix mediums out of pure boredom, angst, or just plain curiosity.

self portrait by jeremy iacone

jeremy's artwork is derived from cell phone photographs, a medium that is to some extent the modern day polaroid. but, he takes it a step further, manipulating it to resemble that of a retro renaissance masterpiece, full of chiarscuro modeling and painterly depth. his images are hauntingly beautiful, combining modern day technology with old world sensibilities. i was tempted to ask jeremy his techniques, as cell phones are notoriously known for their lack of quality....but i think i'd much rather enjoy his images and leave the process a mystery, much like a dream that awakens you with a smile.

( click to view more artwork )