sent courtesy of my uncle mike:

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):..........

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
-----------------------------------------------------
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
-----------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-----------------------------------------------------
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
------------------------------------------------------
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
------------------------------------------------------
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
------------------------------------------------------
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
------------------------------------------------------
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.





A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
-------------------------------------------------------
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
-------------------------------------------------------
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
--------------------------------------------------------
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
--------------------------------------------------------
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
--------------------------------------------------------
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
--------------------------------------------------------
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
----------------------------------------------------------
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
-------------------------------------------------------
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
--------------------------------------------------------
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
-------------------------------------------------------
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A will, is a dead giveaway.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
------------------------------------------------------------
A backward poet writes inverse.
-------------------------------------------------------------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. ------------------------------------------------------------
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
------------------------------------------------------------
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
------------------------------------------------------------
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
------------------------------------------------------------
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
------------------------------------------------------------
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
------------------------------------------------------------
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
---------------------------------------------------------
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
---------------------------------------------------------
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
--------------------------------------------------------
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
-------------------------------------------------------
A calendar's days are numbered.
-------------------------------------------------------
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
-------------------------------------------------------
A boiled egg, is hard to beat.
-------------------------------------------------------
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
------------------------------------------------------
A plateau, is a high form of flattery.
-------------------------------------------------------
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
------------------------------------------------------
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. -----------------------------------------------------
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
--------------------------------------------------------
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.