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day one.

day one of sobriety.
so far, so good.
i hope i can make it stick.

i knew this day would come eventually.
i'm scared to death.

but, the alternative is much, MUCH scarier.

i've always thought i could have one cocktail and be fine.
but, i can't.
i've always thought i could skip a day of drink.
but, i never did.
i could blame it on my family history.
but, i won't.

i'm trying to look at the positives....
just think of all the money we'll save.
i'll probably sleep better.
my liver won't explode.

so, i guess it's virgin drinks and o'douls for me now.
and maybe a little caffeine for good measure.


( 53 comments — Leave a comment )
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Aug. 23rd, 2007 11:40 pm (UTC)
i had no idea. but it's amazing! so happy for you that you're realizing and trying.

my dad's family has a problem with this. my dad always said it was the hardest thing in life for him, more difficult than korea and cancer. hang in there!
Aug. 23rd, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC)
hey, thanks!
it's not gonna be easy, but i know i'll be better off in the long run...
(no subject) - ainetl - Aug. 24th, 2007 07:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:00 am (UTC)
good for you! day one is a great start.

i have seen the alternative and yes it is. terribly scary.
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:21 am (UTC)
i have a feeling day one is gonna be the hardest, too, but, most rewarding!! thanks for your support....
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:14 am (UTC)
i feel so happy for you right now!
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:22 am (UTC)
aaaaaaw, thanks, i needed that!
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:18 am (UTC)
You can do this. You hafta wanna, and it sound like you do. I'm thinking of you. If you need support reach out to those around you. A lot of people care about you. Even some up here in the north.

Take care.
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:29 am (UTC)
thanks owen....
what a great friend you've become!!!
you're a sweetheart of a guy alright....

i'm not having as hard a time as i thought i might today. maybe my body's just hasn't figured out that i'm messing with it? HAHAHA. i could be in for a bumpy ride the next few months, though. somewhere i heard it takes like 3-5 months for the body to readjust and not crave drink so much. let's hope i can make that hurdle and just cleanse myself of it.

addiction is such a sneaky thing....
(no subject) - foxy_manacle - Aug. 24th, 2007 04:27 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - artworkslive - Aug. 24th, 2007 05:17 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - foxy_manacle - Aug. 24th, 2007 05:26 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - artworkslive - Aug. 24th, 2007 08:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - artworkslive - Aug. 25th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - foxy_manacle - Aug. 25th, 2007 04:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - foxy_manacle - Aug. 25th, 2007 04:03 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - artworkslive - Aug. 25th, 2007 05:27 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:29 am (UTC)
This is good news! If you ever need someone to chat with, I'm (almost) always here! Phone, email or AIM- mantofev @cox.net
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:31 am (UTC)
what a sweetheart, my loddy....you're the best!
Aug. 24th, 2007 12:35 am (UTC)
Wonderful forward motion!
You are strong, in this.
Aug. 24th, 2007 01:08 am (UTC)
i'm peddling as fast as my legs will go, uphill i might add!!! :)

thanks for your kindness...
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 24th, 2007 01:12 am (UTC)
thanks.....i just need to find OTHER ways to get high (chocolate, sex and caffeine are good alternatives), that's the way i'm rationalizing at this point.
(no subject) - foxy_manacle - Aug. 24th, 2007 05:27 am (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 24th, 2007 02:24 am (UTC)
Good for you!
Aug. 24th, 2007 02:33 am (UTC)
Aug. 24th, 2007 03:19 am (UTC)
you are brave and strong! i know you can do this.
pullin' for you from RI,
Mandy :-)
Aug. 24th, 2007 04:49 am (UTC)
you're just the sweetest!!! thank you!!!
and just seeing your beaming, beautiful smile even makes me feel better.... :)
Aug. 24th, 2007 03:20 am (UTC)
I'm so happy, and this is going to work out just FINE for all of us.

I so have faith in everything working out my dear, I really do.
Aug. 24th, 2007 04:52 am (UTC)
thinking positive thoughts, sweetie....
we're on the right track, i just know it.

and we can buy the pooch more treats with all the moolah we'll save!
Aug. 24th, 2007 03:37 am (UTC)
I just saw Chuck's entry on this too.

Wow. I had no idea.

I am thinking supportive thoughts.
Aug. 24th, 2007 04:53 am (UTC)
aaaaaaaw, that means a ton to me, thank you so much!!!
Aug. 24th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
Good for you! You made me think about it in my own life, and I may join you.
Aug. 24th, 2007 05:06 am (UTC)
goddess, i swear....that first step is a son-of-a-beeYOTCH, i tellya.

i'm just so tired of being tired, ya know? and it became such a crutch that i felt myself going down a path i might never return. and alcohol wasn't even making my body feel euphoric anymore. (i mean, what's the point, right?!!!) it grew into this unfilling ritual that eventually started to seep into and disrupt and control other areas of my life. addiction is one evil trap, it is. it was scaring the shit out of me...as well as my friends and family.

but, the one thing i did realize is, you and YOU alone are the only one that knows when to finally say when. just printing the words 'i may join you...' is a HUUUUUUUGE step. i'm so proud of you!!!

thanks for your support!
(no subject) - waggner - Aug. 24th, 2007 02:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - artworkslive - Aug. 24th, 2007 08:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
Aug. 24th, 2007 06:19 am (UTC)
that's wonderful! good luck!!
Aug. 24th, 2007 08:49 pm (UTC)
hey, thanks!
day two, and i still have all my hair....that ain't bad!
Aug. 24th, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
Good for you!

I can so relate. I fought my battles with the booze demons for years.

I have relapsed once or twice....BUT...in this moment in time I am sober and well content.

Just make sure your friends really respect that because when you're out and about with the artiste glitterati you could get pressured into drinking. If people know your commitment and they're true pals...they'll help you by ordering you Shirley Temple...which BTW, is my drink of choice when I'm out.

It may not be manly, but it sure is tasty.

Aug. 24th, 2007 09:03 pm (UTC)
aaaaaaw, what a sweet icon!!!

i just had a friend ask me today whether i might consider 'moderating' my drinking habits after this initial detox.....so, i hear ya. they have to readjust to this change, just like me. i'm commiting myself to zero alcohol though, but realize i might slip, and i won't beat myself up if that happens. cuz, i know i can always regroup. luckily, a lot of my friends are either non-drinkers or light drinkers, so i'm pretty confident i won't feel pressured by anyone but myself.

and i'm actually looking FORWARD to 'girly/virgin' drinks!!!! HAHAHA. they'll TASTE better.

and if i wanna good buzz, i can just drink a pot o'coffee!!!!

problem solved....
Aug. 24th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
Holy cow, Dr. B!!!!!!!
What awesome, yet absolutely shocking, news!!! Why did you decide to take a break from the alkyhol??? I think it's a *wonderful* idea to let go of it; I've always thought drinking should always be moderated and controlled. You know, we're gonna have to arrange a virgin get-together to celebrate this (is it just me or does that sound really dirty??? :). Seriously, we need to get together, have a bunch of virgin frou-frou drinks, and maybe some of those killer cheese sticks at Bahooka or something! Best of luck, Dr. B... I know you (and your ever-lovin Chuckie, who's the best support you could ever ask for) will be able to do it!!! :o)
Aug. 24th, 2007 09:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Holy cow, Dr. B!!!!!!!
i know, i know....the shocker of the century!!!!
dr. B sure liked her drinky winkys!!!!! HAHAHA

see, that's the thing. i always used alcohol as a crutch. something i needed in order to be comfortable in certain situations......and after awhile it started consuming me. like, "i can't go here without having one drink first," or "i can't talk to this person on the phone without getting 'relaxed' first." i started drinking earlier and earlier in the day too, which scared the hell outta me. i felt out of control and embarrassed everytime a checker would ring up my liquor purchase. i'd even go to alternating grocery stores so they wouldn't realize i was buying so much. yup, pretty fucked up behavior.....

and drinking used to be FUN for me. but, it grew into a habit that started infecting my daily activities, relationships, even disrupting my productivity as an artist. i started obsessing about that first drink every day, day after day. that's when i knew it was a real problem. but, i denied it for so long (like the past 10 years or so???), thinking one day i would just cut back. be able to control my anxiety without taking a drink first. but, that day never came.

so, here i am in the middle of day 2.
and i feel better today than i've felt in years.
i feel this palpable sense of clarity all of a sudden....almost as if i've been stone drunk for the past 10 years and i'm FiNALLY waking up.

and let's all do the vigin night out soon!-woo woo-you kinky thing you!!!! you can put your cheese stick in my napkin ring ANYday!!!!! ---O-

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( 53 comments — Leave a comment )