Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

i hate waking up in the mourning


i can't help it.....
she's in my every thought.
she's been with me longer than my mom raised me.
if she were a human, she'd be going off to college this year.

i think chuck instinctively knew she was on her way out.....he took multiple pictures and videos the day before she passed......

but, i was bracing myself for the last year or more....waiting for her to bid farewell. i was hoping (and yes, i guess praying) she wouldn't go the way wylee did 5 years ago.(2.18.03 entry)

jozee just kept coming back after every ailment: failing kidneys, vestibular disease, weakened liver, and finally a tumor on the heart.....just like the energizer bunny....she fought it, like she was jacked up on crack n'coffee. and somehow that resilience made me believe she would outlive us all......but, all good things must come to an end i guess. and jozee was one of the greats.

when my ex-husband kallen and i first adopted jozee and her brother wylee (shown below) from the pound, we brought them home, full of anticipation and naiveté.


the first thing jozee did was sniff, skitter and squat on our newly bought white carpet.

although i wanted dogs dearly, i threatened to return them only after one week.....and i'm so grateful i didn't.......cuz ultimately i knew we were all young....dogs and humans alike. we needed to adjust and grow with each other, regardless of how many stains collected on the floor.

it's funny how much those damn dogs taught me about life.....

and here i thought *i* was their parent.


( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 2nd, 2008 01:27 pm (UTC)
thinking of you

it is funny how at first with a dog you are the parent... teaching them things... then one day the dog becomes the wise one...

I remember my childhood dog Otis looking at me from under his big eyebrows giving me this look... like "come on rachel don't do that... you always get caught..." and me thinking... "hey just a few years ago I was teaching you not to eat your own poop... don't judge me for sneaking out"

anyway... it takes time... i'm thinking of you guys
May. 2nd, 2008 06:54 pm (UTC)
our furry little friends really do seem to have a sixth sense....i'm amazed at how intuitive they are sometimes. like, our other dog stella is moping around today, almost as if she knows jozee's not coming back.

funny little creatures they are....

thanks for thinking of us, that really warms my heart rach.
May. 2nd, 2008 01:58 pm (UTC)
Aw, they are so cute and scruffy together. I'd bet Wylee was happy to see Miz Jozee coming up over the hill. Poor, sweet babies. They'll always be a part of you. *hugs*
May. 2nd, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
you know better than anyone how hard this is.....your cyber hugs cradle me more than you'll ever know.

the first few days without them are just hoooooooorrible. it's the silence that gets me. not hearing her snore at night, not hearing her little toes tapping against the hard wood floors, not hearing her bark....it's a good thing we got stella when we did, cuz i'd be (more of) a blubbering mess otherwise.
May. 2nd, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
I know what you mean. When we just had Stella is was really weird. I really missed having a big dog and Stella did, too. We were both lonely during the day. Dollie has been great and I really love her, but I do still miss Cookie a lot.
May. 2nd, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
oh deary, no creature could possibly measure up to cookie-what a complete LOVE. dollie's one lucky pooch to have wandered into your lives....and i'm sure stella was grateful too!

you're right though, they'll always be with us, if not in the flesh-they stay in our hearts forever. that's very comforting....
May. 3rd, 2008 12:07 am (UTC)
Cookie will always be with us-- I'm still finding her babies (dust bunnies made up of her fur) under the furniture. Shows how good of a housekeeper I am!
May. 3rd, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)
oh my.....don't even get me started on the whole saving hair bit! HAHAHA.

i was sorta crushed when the vets told us joz was already frozen solid (we were actually out of town when she passed) but, i would've normally wanted to snip a bit of her hair to keep. and wouldn't ya know it, the day we left for our trip i quickly vacuumed the jozee 'babies' off the floor.....so, yes, i'm going to go into our little dirt devil and retrieve said hairs. funny how we fight to get rid of them when they're alive, but once they're gone it's like GOLD!

i snipped a swatch of her bed today and put it in a zip lock baggie so i can open it every once in awhile and smell her corn chip scent. i'm such a sentimental freak! if i could've cloned her i WOULD, i swear.....

May. 3rd, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
I did snip a few of Cookie's curls after she died. I put them in a little box.
I also have a bag full of her fur... gross, I know. I want to get yarn made out of it. I'd been saving it for 5+ years.

Aw, Jozee smelled like corn chips?? Cookie was stinky (thyroid problem). Stella smells good, though, kinda earthy but nice. Dollie is smell-less so far.
May. 2nd, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
That's such a great photo of Wylee, and that's pretty much how he looked when I first met him.

Aaw and what a great image of our li'l Jozee!
May. 2nd, 2008 07:07 pm (UTC)
isn't that the best???? i'm pretty sure john took that photo a month or so before wylee died (looks like it's in the markridge driveway)....he was such a trooper up until the very end, just like his sis!
May. 2nd, 2008 09:10 pm (UTC)
They are such cute dogs. I'm sorry she had to go. But she seems like she had a great life. <3 xoxo
May. 2nd, 2008 10:28 pm (UTC)
she did have a VERY long and good life, indeed....we spoiled her rotten and she just couldn't bare to check out too early i guess???
May. 2nd, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)
Yes, dogs are such a blessing (and I never use blessing like this either).
May. 2nd, 2008 10:30 pm (UTC)
no doubt!!!! i think they add years to our lives with all the love they bring....too bad we can't tack on more years on their short lives....but, jozee sure had a good run!
May. 2nd, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
Yeah they really do add SO much to your life, and they're too perfect, loyal, and cute to ever be anything negative, which makes it so much harder when you lose them, but it really is worth it.

Another reason I let Cupid stay with my Mom and stepdad a lot is because it makes them fight less! If they ever do raise their voices, Cupid starts barking because he thinks they're yelling at someone outside who is going to come kill them all so he goes crazy and it makes them laugh, so they don't keep fighting. Just an example, I guess!

You have a lot of joy to share with Stella now, not that any dog is ever a replacement though, but you know what I mean.

I'm still so sorry though, I feel so bad for you and don't even know what to say. :(
May. 2nd, 2008 11:32 pm (UTC)
you're so sweet, hol....you said exactly what i needed and wanted to hear. just knowing friends and family who relate to this kind of situation gives me SO much comfort. i know i had it lucky having a dog that lived such a happy, long life. even near the end, being almost entirely deaf and blind, with a giant tumor on her heart(!), she still seemed happy enough.... and was wagging her tail just a couple days before she left.

what an amazing ride!
May. 2nd, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC)
Yes, exactly.... the beauty of it is more apparent later when the pain has subsided a little bit, of course.

You have so much of my sympathy, Becky... sorry this happened to you!
May. 3rd, 2008 06:50 am (UTC)
So sorry to hear Jozee has moved on. At least you guys had a lot of great years with her.
May. 3rd, 2008 07:17 am (UTC)
thankEE much dean.....

jozee sure was entertainment alright....and she was freE. even better....
May. 4th, 2008 12:23 pm (UTC)
awwww! she's adorable!

...have been recontructing your cd...
it's now turned into a mp3dvd...

May. 4th, 2008 12:39 pm (UTC)
i can either:

a) burn the fucker now and pop it in the post or...
b) add more tracks.

whadya say?
May. 4th, 2008 05:02 pm (UTC)
wowie!!!! thanks muchly.....

and i would be ever so grateful if you want to add to it-lemme know what i owe you!
May. 7th, 2008 04:43 am (UTC)
nothing of course.

i'm currently not writing a song called 'they call me mr. sensitive'
May. 7th, 2008 05:19 pm (UTC)
no, but you ARE currently writing a song called, 'they call me mr. cooooooooool.'
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )