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i hate waking up in the mourning


i can't help it.....
she's in my every thought.
she's been with me longer than my mom raised me.
if she were a human, she'd be going off to college this year.

i think chuck instinctively knew she was on her way out.....he took multiple pictures and videos the day before she passed......

but, i was bracing myself for the last year or more....waiting for her to bid farewell. i was hoping (and yes, i guess praying) she wouldn't go the way wylee did 5 years ago.(2.18.03 entry)

jozee just kept coming back after every ailment: failing kidneys, vestibular disease, weakened liver, and finally a tumor on the heart.....just like the energizer bunny....she fought it, like she was jacked up on crack n'coffee. and somehow that resilience made me believe she would outlive us all......but, all good things must come to an end i guess. and jozee was one of the greats.

when my ex-husband kallen and i first adopted jozee and her brother wylee (shown below) from the pound, we brought them home, full of anticipation and naiveté.


the first thing jozee did was sniff, skitter and squat on our newly bought white carpet.

although i wanted dogs dearly, i threatened to return them only after one week.....and i'm so grateful i didn't.......cuz ultimately i knew we were all young....dogs and humans alike. we needed to adjust and grow with each other, regardless of how many stains collected on the floor.

it's funny how much those damn dogs taught me about life.....

and here i thought *i* was their parent.


May. 2nd, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
you know better than anyone how hard this is.....your cyber hugs cradle me more than you'll ever know.

the first few days without them are just hoooooooorrible. it's the silence that gets me. not hearing her snore at night, not hearing her little toes tapping against the hard wood floors, not hearing her bark....it's a good thing we got stella when we did, cuz i'd be (more of) a blubbering mess otherwise.
May. 2nd, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
I know what you mean. When we just had Stella is was really weird. I really missed having a big dog and Stella did, too. We were both lonely during the day. Dollie has been great and I really love her, but I do still miss Cookie a lot.
May. 2nd, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
oh deary, no creature could possibly measure up to cookie-what a complete LOVE. dollie's one lucky pooch to have wandered into your lives....and i'm sure stella was grateful too!

you're right though, they'll always be with us, if not in the flesh-they stay in our hearts forever. that's very comforting....
May. 3rd, 2008 12:07 am (UTC)
Cookie will always be with us-- I'm still finding her babies (dust bunnies made up of her fur) under the furniture. Shows how good of a housekeeper I am!
May. 3rd, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)
oh my.....don't even get me started on the whole saving hair bit! HAHAHA.

i was sorta crushed when the vets told us joz was already frozen solid (we were actually out of town when she passed) but, i would've normally wanted to snip a bit of her hair to keep. and wouldn't ya know it, the day we left for our trip i quickly vacuumed the jozee 'babies' off the floor.....so, yes, i'm going to go into our little dirt devil and retrieve said hairs. funny how we fight to get rid of them when they're alive, but once they're gone it's like GOLD!

i snipped a swatch of her bed today and put it in a zip lock baggie so i can open it every once in awhile and smell her corn chip scent. i'm such a sentimental freak! if i could've cloned her i WOULD, i swear.....

May. 3rd, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC)
I did snip a few of Cookie's curls after she died. I put them in a little box.
I also have a bag full of her fur... gross, I know. I want to get yarn made out of it. I'd been saving it for 5+ years.

Aw, Jozee smelled like corn chips?? Cookie was stinky (thyroid problem). Stella smells good, though, kinda earthy but nice. Dollie is smell-less so far.

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