went to see chuck's mom today in ICU. scary, as i've never dealt with pain, suffering, death or dying in any way, aside from watching my dog die in my arms a couple years ago. my mom was the type to shelter me from all things unpleasant. i was forbidden to watch any TV movie that contained any amount of blood, adult situations, or graphic language. and i remember asking mom what a 'wake' was, when my neighbor across the street died of a stroke. 'he's not awake, why do they call it that?,' i thought. but, of course i was shunned from that event, too. no doubt, to protect me from later life scarring.

well, i've never walked into a hospital room to find someone i love lying defenseless, incoherent and dependent on mountains of apparatus to keep them alive. the nurses milled about outside, joking with each other, thumbing through snapshot albums of some staff member's new baby, as if the struggle for life that surrounds them is completely normal. and it is. it just isn't normal to me.

she's a fighter, though. stubborn, but a fighter. and my future pa-in-law is so distraught, but determined. he's with her every moment, barely taking time to sleep or nourish himself, although he always finds time to fluster the nurses with flirtatious banter and tease me about walking all the way to the hospital in the freezing rain.."i'm gonna set up a bed right next to kit for ya!"

chuck's the biggest rock of all. i know he's hurting. i know he wants to be home.

i called my mom in montrose on the walk home. today was one of those 'i want my mommy' days..